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Subject: hi

i got your message! frustrating that you're so close and i can't see you yet.

so i have to tell you about how dumb i am.

i've been avoiding listening to pearl jam for a year now because jeff. i thought i'd put in those albums and he'd be back, full-on, you know? but i listened to vs about a month ago and then i started listening to live on two legs again and. no jeff! i wasn't missing him at all.

okay so the other night, we went over to chris's to watch the big lebowski and drink white russians and greg hammond showed up because they're friends. that's #1. hi, high school.

then i said to chris's friend lori, who grew up in temple, "hey did you know ms. ward?"
"are you kidding? i loved her, she taught me, she's a legend. you know her?"
"yeah. well i know her son jeff. but yeah i know her, i love that woman."
"you know JEFF?"
"yeah. well. KNEW."
"i always thought he was cute!"

right so sara and i went to see built to spill play last night and oh my god it was so great but that's another story but so we had a few too many beers and i ended up crashing at her apartment and when i came home and i was like, "okay you know what album i really want to hear on this this gorgeous sunday afternoon? not a pretty girl."

so i put it in and it just finished and i am dumb.
it's not pearl jam, it's ani.

it's SO ANI.

when he wrote the lyrics to 32 flavors on the inside of the cigarette pack and "this makes me think of you." and dropped it in my mailbox?

when he wrote on the wall of that coffeehouse: "listen to what i'm not saying. listen to what i'm not playing."

the conversation, sitting on brantley's porch: "i so had a crush on you during our freshman year."
"hahaha you did?"
"you were a nongoth boy!"
"yeah well let's just say that i listened to 'this bouquet' a lot after meeting you."
"nothing on my tongue."
"so much in the ground."

(which is interesting because ani wrote that song about greg brown, about whom she also wrote "loom," which is SO my definitive jeff song.)

yeah so... suck.

move here soon, okay?